Questions People Never Ask

There are technically 100, but I reduced them to 60, which is clearly plenty of information…

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Closed.  Don’t be ridiculous.

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

No because I’m a picky bitch and bring my own.

Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

Out.  Even my feet need to be free.

Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

I’m from Myrtle Beach.  What do you think?

Do you like to use post-it notes?

Yes, but not the ones the pop-up ones.  I don’t need a thought to become an accordion of unruly paper.

Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?

Um, bear?  I think that would be a faster death.  And in this case, faster is better.

Do you always smile for pictures?


What is your biggest pet peeve?

How much time do you have?  Kidding.  My top two are:  lack of efficiency in any area, and wasting time.  They go hand in hand.  But not in a sweet way.

Have you ever peed in the woods?

Duh.  Myrtle Beach.

What about pooped in the woods?

Does a tropical rainforest count?  If so, yes.

Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?

Only when I’m being completely ridiculous, which is mostly all the time, so yes.

Do you chew your pens and pencils?

Ew.  No.

What is your song of the week?

Clap Hands – Tom Waits – enjoy this video.  He’s amazing.

What’s your least favorite movie?

Anything with Madonna in it.

Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

Cayman Islands – under a false name.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Nothing because chicken nuggets are disgusting and I don’t eat them.  But when I was a kid:  BBQ sauce.

What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

The Professional and Train Wreck.

Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

Hell no.  They had to wear skirts.

Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?


When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Three weeks ago – I’m WAY behind on my personal correspondence.  Thanks for making me feel like shit about it.

Can you change the oil on a car?

Of course.  That’s what money is for.

Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

Yes, and as long as there are no governors on engines I will speed.

Ever ran out of gas?

Once.  I was 15.  Never again.

What is your usual bedtime?

I’m pretty sure yesterday’s post addressed that in detail.  It’s too soon.

Are you lazy?

Not even when I TRY.

What is your Chinese astrological sign?


How many languages can you speak?


Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

W, Vogue, Travel (I buy People in the store because I’m too ashamed to actually subscribe to it even though it would be cheaper).

Which are better, legos or Lincoln logs?


Are you stubborn?

It depends.  Only when I’m right.

Who is better, Leno or Letterman?

Stephen Colbert.

Ever watch soap operas?

Not even if I was in the hospital DYING.

Are you afraid of heights?


Do you sing in the car?

Yes – I make a spectacle of myself and I’m totally okay with it.

Do you sing in the shower?

No.  I’m way too busy negotiating all 15 of my routines and associated products.

Do you dance in the car?

If music is playing I’m dancing.

Ever used a gun?


Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Why is this question insulting BOTH of my favorite things?

Is Christmas stressful?

No way.  I LOVE Christmas.

Ever eat a pierogi?

Who cares?

Favorite type of fruit pie?

Chocolate lava cake.

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?


Do you believe in ghosts?

First concert?


Nike or Adidas?

Cheetos or Fritos?

Cheetos all DAY.

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Smoked almonds.

Ever take dance lessons?

For more than a decade.

Regularly burn incense?

Never.  Because it smells like indifference.

Who would you like to see in concert?

Tom Waits.

What was the last concert you saw?

Buena Vista Social Club last month on their farewell tour.  Amazing.

Are you patient?

Depends on who is being stupid.

Which are better, black or green olives?

Green, preferably stuffed with a proper bleu cheese.

Can you knit or crochet?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Best room for a fireplace?

Every room.

Who was your HS crush?

Billy Idol.

Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

Lord no.  I’m southern!  Besides, that’s what my left eyebrow is for.

Do you have kids?


Do you want kids?

Yes, I’m keeping her.

What’s your favorite colour?


Do you miss anyone right now?

My dad.

YOU’RE UP!  Make it a post and link to it in the comments please.  If you’re participating in NaBloPoMo, I’m your new best friend.

27 thoughts on “Questions People Never Ask

  1. I run out of fuel at least 5 times, because my display didn’t work properly AND I thought, I will still make it to the garage!!!

  2. Thank you for making me laugh. A lot. Again. We all need to laugh more.
    You and I have so much in common, but the things that aren’t are polar opposites. I’m the flashlight version of your supernova.
    Keep us smiling. (No pressure.)

      1. Oh I’m a lazy goat/good-blogger-stalker! Haven’t blogged yet myownself. I should: I used to be funny when I wrote for the newspapers in Fayette County. Maybe I used up all my funny.

  3. Geminis with a fear of heights and the sheets tucked out are the best kind of people. And I am not just saying that because I’m all three of those things…

  4. I was just recently thinking about how popular these kinds of quizzes used to be, back when MySpace was a thing. There were always so many different ones going around, with personal questions designed to reveal who your current crush was, or what you were angsting about at the time. We were 14, it was fun. I miss these things.

  5. You know, I am a 67 year old great-grandmother and I find this particular article very amusing. I love your style and I love your honesty! Keep at it girl!! I am, therefore, a new follower – hope to see some more great stuff.

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